Let it go

Let it go.

Just let it go.

Already you are thinking: “How can I let it go?” Or, you are thinking: “Ah, I think I understand what he means when he says to let it go.” These thoughts are illusory; they mean nothing. You cannot ask yourself how, because the question implies there is something you must do. You cannot say you think you understand, because that implies that the solution can be brought about by thought. Come to think of it, you might ignore the statement altogether in the hope that through constant action you will find the meaning. This will not work either.

I am convinced that whatever answers we seek as aikidoka lie not in thought or action. It is not that easy. That would be like saying you understand a sunset simply because you recognize the sun is setting on the horizon and the sky is growing dark. Both are true, but do nothing to explain the full experience of watching the sun go down.

Think of yourself as standing on a cliff. Below you–way, way below you–deep blue water awaits. But it is a long way down. You can try to think yourself into jumping, but you will hesitate, for you have a fear of falling. You might jump without thinking, but as a result miss the beauty of the experience because you are not of “no-mind;” you are merely mindless. You might ask someone else how to jump, but this is ridiculous; no one can jump for you–they can only show you that they themselves can jump, that jumping is actually possible. The only true solution is that moment when you sum up your entire being: your fear, your hope, your joy, your anger, your courage. You sum it up, and that propels you to jump. You give in to the universe. You say to yourself, to the universe around you: “To hell with figuring this stuff out. I’m just going to jump. With every fiber of my mind and being, I’m going to jump.” And at that moment, there is a glorious feeling of totality.

That moment is the closest thing I can describe that ressembles ki power. You cannot think “How can I have ki?” You can not pretend that mere thought alone will help you understand ki, you cannot mindlessly repeat technique in the hopes that ki will find you. You have to chuck it all away, tell it to take a hike, and just move. Life? Death? Whatever. Those are abstract concepts you can discuss over a beer later. Move now, exist now, live now…

…and let it go.

(These were the thoughts I had after a weekend seminar with Sensei Bannister. Perhaps they do not make sense to anyone else but me. Perhaps tomorrow I won’t understand them either. But I wanted to share them nonetheless.)

Stepping Off the Mat, by Sensei Rick Berry

A few months ago, I mentioned how we were fortunate to have Sensei Rick Berry come to the Seattle area and share his practice with us. It was truly a great experience; the aikido, the camaraderie, the energy of the entire weekend was truly remarkable.

One of the greater joys of the weekend was discovering that Sensei Berry had created a book, Stepping Off the Mat. In it, he writes not so much about martial arts technique, but how his training and his mindset extends throughout everything he does. I’ve held off on writing about this book because I wanted to finish it. This was foolish of me, because while I have read the last page of this book, I don’t think I will ever truly “finish” it.

This book shares a similar trait to books such as The Book of Five Rings. By that I mean: you do not pick it up, read it over the course of a weekend, and then put it back on the shelf. No, this book you pick up, read a little, set down, think for a great while, and then pick up again a little later–maybe reading a new passage, maybe re-reading the same passage you had read earlier. What I have enjoyed about this book is that it is not an “aikido” book. (In fact, Sensei Berry has a great deal of martial arts experience beyond aikido.) It is a book of emotion, intellect, and thought. It is a book in which you can tell Sensei Berry has infused his passion and his life-philosophy.

As this blog perhaps indicates, I am fascinated with how the written word might be used to express some of the deep concepts that underly Aikido–that underly all martial arts. Stepping Off the Mat is the best example I have read in which these thoughts and concepts are articulated and discussed. Sensei Berry even provides many examples of where these thoughts came from. The entire book is filled with stories about his training, his teaching, and his life.

I think that some folks tend to look at books like these and hope that, by reading them, some sort of enlightenment may be found. I don’t think that Sensei Berry wrote this book in an attempt to “enlighten” anyone. However, I do think he wrote it to give those who read it the opportunity to enlighten themselves.

I am grateful that Sensei Berry took the time to write this book. I look forward to reading it repeatedly for many years to come.